Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

Mayday (from the French m’aider, “help me”) is a literal far cry from the festive and buoyant shout outs of a May Day celebration, especially when repeated thrice. “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! is a dire call for help, the verbal equivalent of the Morse Code SOS.

The book, Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!, which I caught Ron reading recently, is Charles Coleman’s true account of his improbable survival in a remote reach of the Pacific Ocean.  The experienced blue-water mariner set out on a solo sailing adventure from Pago Pago to Honolulu aboard the Haleakala, a 56-foot catamaran he had built as a seaworthy home.  Stocked with at least twice the supplies for the month-long trip, and equipped with hundreds of charts and redundant safety gear, Coleman found himself floating amid sharks without even a life raft.

I happened upon this book when a colleague cleared out his office and left an autographed copy in a “free reads” collection. Like a stray cat, it followed me home. This story was so compelling that I read it in one sitting just to find out what happened. Then I read it again to absorb the impact. I harrowingly envision Coleman’s wife Ellie pleading with the Coast Guard to persevere when the initial search reported no survivors.

Although I’ve never been lost at sea, it reminded me of a couple of my own rescue stories. When I was about 10, my sister Eileen and I got caught in an undertow at Fairfield Beach. “Look,” we giggled to each other. Standing in waist-high water, we found it hilarious that although our feet were anchored in the sand, successive waves sucked us deeper and deeper into Long Island Sound. It was funny until we were literally in over our heads. We tried to swim to shore but couldn’t go anywhere. Eileen panicked—as she was wont to do. So did our mother, who watched in horror as her children drifted out to sea. The folks we were staying with dispatched a rowboat to fetch us, but the Coast Guard got there first. They tossed us a lifeline and tugged us to shore.

Then there was the rescue at Sleeping Giant State Park 20 years later. A trek in the woods with my friend Judi devolved into a six-hour ordeal. Experienced hikers, we planned to walk in for an hour then out on the legendary Blue Trail before meeting my boyfriend for dinner. As the sun descended behind the giant’s chin, heavy fall foliage hid the trail markers. We wandered for hours on rocky outcroppings searching for blue blazes. At one point, Judi attempted to bolster our sagging spirits by quipping, “If I had to be lost with anyone, I’m glad it’s you.” “Shut up,” I responded. I didn’t want to be lost, and I sure as hell didn’t want to be in charge. Instead, I  took a deep breath and hollered for help. It was my own version of Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! In the days before digital communications, we took turns shouting into the unknown until darkness set in and our matches ran out. Our SOS distress calls were finally answered—by a Rottweiler. Max’s persistent barks were warmer than the meager fire we built. After an hour or so, his owner finally heard our side of the call-and-response. His call to the Hamden Fire and Rescue Team jibed with my boyfriend’s missing-person report. Max was like Ellie begging the rescuers to continue.

There were other adventures—climbing steep ascents and hugging the rock face of Chittenden Mountain above the tree line of Arapahoe Mountain, or traversing the abysses of Rollins Pass in the Colorado Rockies—that did not qualify as rescues. But as a result of them, I could relate to his one-word reaction to being plucked from the sea: Joy.

Coleman’s book is dedicated to Sadie, a calico cat, his sailing companion. When Ron read Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!, he wondered what happened to her. So did I. Coleman says upfront that you need to read the book to find out. Trying to explain it in a few words would do her injustice.

Retire Like a Cat

I recently spotted Nina contemplating How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free by Ernie J. Zelinski. The author posits that happiness in retirement is dependent on your willingness to be happy. Our cats posit that happiness is dependent on a place in the sun, adequate food and water, and doing what you want.

What did my husband and I want? With neither children nor aging parents in the equation, we began to pursue that happiness anywhere in the world. We started an informal list of possibilities: Hawaii; Southern California; Phoenix and Tucson, Arizona; Las Vegas and Boulder City, Nevada; Houston, San Antonio, and Austin, Texas; New Orleans and Baton Rouge, Louisiana; and all of Southern Florida. That’s a lot of territory to cover. One priority emerged—a place in the sun. Yet other factors were equally important.

In an attempt to organize such a disparate geography, we gradually created a 25-column Excel spreadsheet that covers every conceivable variable. Excel is easy to set up, accommodates expanded categories, and automatically tallies your scores. We ranked each from 3 (high) to 1 (low). Obviously, priorities are personal. For example, Hurricane Katrina washed us out of New Orleans and we don’t play golf, so flood zones are more important than tee times.

Other elements, like social connectedness have universal appeal. In its 2016 Social Engagement and Brain Health Survey, AARP found that older adults with larger social networks report better brain health than those with smaller social networks. The National Council on Aging found that social isolation and mental impairment also contribute to crime and safety statistics.

Armed with this knowledge, we counted the number of people we knew within a 2-hour drive (100-mile radius) of each retirement option, and then assigned values accordingly. Anywhere we knew 10 or more people earned a score of 3; 5 to 9 = 2; 1 to 4 = 1. No one? Well, zero is zero.

Other categories are much more subjective. For example, Bob is a lawyer who may want to teach part-time, so he had a column for proximity to law schools. I’m a compulsive walker, which translates to a column in which sidewalks ranked high. Since this is a dynamic process, we often found it necessary to make adjustments, like when friends moved or a major construction project altered a neighborhood’s charm. We also added two final columns—emotional attraction for each of us, with no explanations necessary.

When it’s time to consider retirement opportunities, I recommend creating your own spreadsheet with columns that reflect your priorities. We considered:

  • Average temperature and rainfall
  • State and local taxes
  • HOA fees
  • Community amenities
  • Environment
  • Proximity to healthcare
  • Proximity to veterinarians
  • Proximity to friends and families
  • Proximity to the nearest airport
  • Political climate

In the sample below, the condensed variables represent a wider spectrum. For example, “Cost of Living” may include housing, taxes, and average retail prices. “Setting” may include climate, pollution, scenery, noise, and traffic. “Leisure” may include 55+ active adult communities or museums and theater.

CityCost of LivingSettingLeisureHealth CareEmotionTOTAL
A221229
B3132211
C2332313
D2232312
E1233211
3 = high, 0 = low
NeighborhoodHOA WalkabilityPeople Flood ZoneEmotionTOTAL
A2212210
B2203310
C2321311
D3233213
3 = high, 0 = low

In the first example, City C had the highest score. When scrutinized further, Neighborhood D in City C ranked highest.

I suggest reading How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. I agree with the author that some people fear retirement because they focus on what they are giving up rather than what they have to gain. This brings me back to our cats. Nina and Ron have an unpretentious approach to life—it’s all about having something to eat, someone to love, and something to do, especially if that something is snuggling up with a good book. Since the feline lifestyle is not easily achievable for most humans, alas, spreadsheets like the one above help you focus on what you have to gain.

Taking a long, objective approach to retirement allows you the flexibility to start doing what you want. Think like a cat.

Approaching a Chronic Health Problem: Easy as 1, 2, 3

When your cat is diagnosed with a chronic health problem, you are often faced with the daunting process of balancing state-of-the art medical options with quality-of-life preferences. My journey into the world of specialized veterinary care began with a single step. A semi-annual well-kitty visit revealed that Ron, a 14-year-old black cat, had a cyst on his right kidney.

Ron, a neutered short-haired domestic,  adopted us shortly after he was born into a feral colony. He and his litter-mates were days old when we realized they were disappearing: raccoons, hawks, and cars are the usual harbingers of death for street cats. With help from a local trap, neuter, and release program, we saved a few dozen felines who went on to live healthy lives in our neighborhood.

Ron, however, never ventured far beyond our front doorstep. When the weather turned unexpectedly cold, he slipped in and made himself at home. He was the first of three ferals who moved in with us.

Our only real concern prior to a semi-annual exam was that Ron was pooping outside the litter box. We had tried the usual solutions—another box, keeping the boxes scrupulously clean, treating stains with a deterrent—without positive results. Otherwise, his behavior was playful and affectionate. His appetite was good; we had consciously reduced his weight from a scale-tipping 18 pounds to 14.5 pounds.; and his special diet to prevent a recurrence of bladder stones was working. Regular pathology of blood and urine was unremarkable.

During the visit, however, our vet discovered a cyst on Ron’s right kidney while attempting to draw a urine sample. She referred us to Southpaws, a VCA specialty hospital where over the course of a few weeks, we consulted with an emergency doctor, internist, cardiologist, radiologist, and surgeon. The diagnosis: subcapsular perinephric pseudocyst.

Step One: Understand the Problem

Technically, Ron has a subcapsular perinephric pseudocyst, a fluid-filled sac sandwiched between the kidney’s lining and the organ itself.  Although there is very little information about this condition available online and in print, I learned first that its specific cause is unknown, although it is related to kidney disease.

According to an internist at Southpaws, more than 30 percent of cats will develop kidney disease at some point in their lives. By the time they reach 15, more than half have some form of kidney disease.

Ron had none of the classic symptoms of kidney disease, like abdominal discomfort and vomiting. Routine blood and urine analyses had been unremarkable, except for one marker of early kidney disease. Sonograms showed that his kidney functions within low-normal ranges.

Before we could determine the best treatment option, the cyst needed to be drained and analyzed. Guided by state-of-the-art ultrasound technology that was developed for humans, the radiologist drained 180 milliliters of fluid (about three-quarters of a cup). A pathological analysis revealed no cancer, infection, or other abnormality. Based on Ron’s relatively healthy profile, the internist recommended surgery, but not without checking out another complication: a heart murmur.  

An echocardiogram revealed that one part of the heart muscle had thickened, making it difficult for the organ to completely relax and fill with a sufficient amount of blood. The cardiologist concluded, however, that Ron would probably tolerate general anesthesia, although cats with structural cardiac disease have some risk for developing heart failure after surgery. She also determined that although Ron had slightly elevated blood pressure, he didn’t need medication.

We discussed all these finding with the internist and with Ron’s primary veterinarian. She was always available to discuss this rare condition with us. We wanted to do what is best for him—for his immediate health, his overall quality of life, and frankly, our budget. We had three treatment options for this relatively healthy cat: do nothing, surgical remove the cyst, or routinely aspirate it. Doing nothing was not option, so we met with a surgeon.

Step Two: Collect Data Points

The surgeon explained that he would use a cut-and-cauterize procedure to remove the cyst, but this would not eliminate the accumulation of fluid. To prevent fluid from simply pouring into the abdomen, he would resection the cyst wall to the abdominal wall with omentum, a fold of tissue membrane. Ron’s body would then assimilate and process the fluid.

The prognosis for this procedure is good if there is no underlying renal disease, and guarded if chronic kidney disease is present. Since Ron seems to have the beginnings of kidney disease, this was not an easy call. Furthermore, while the procedure sounded simple and would take less than an hour, the surgeon cautioned that it would be major abdominal surgery, requiring a long and closely monitored recovery. We would have to limit Ron’s activities and his playful interactions with Nina, our other cat. As with any surgery, there was risk of infection, complications from anesthesia, and emotional distress—to Ron, Nina, and us. Moreover, we understood that surgery was not a cure. It would only correct and manage the abnormality.

The surgeon then suggested  we get at least another set of data points before we made our decision. In statistics, a data point is a single measurement. It is irrelevant unless and until it is compared to other points to determine a pattern. The fact that Ron had 180 milliliters  of fluid was a single data point that meant nothing in and of itself. How long did it take for the fluid to collect? Was all of it aspirated? How long would it take to fill again?

Abdominocentesis, the ultrasound-guided aspiration of a cyst in the abdomen, has its own risks. “The shortest way to an abscess is through a cyst,” the surgeon had advised, meaning that each puncture carries with it the risk of infection. Also, because of continual fluid production, it provides only temporary relief.

We had the cyst drained again to begin to plot the pattern. The radiologist invited me to watch. Ron lay comfortably and unsedated in a V-shaped cushion as she drained more than 100 millimeters from a cyst the size of a flattened tangerine. She showed me his relatively healthy right kidney as well as the smaller left one, where a much smaller pseudocyst may also be forming.

We decided that draining the cyst every six to eight weeks would be our course of action. We could keep the cost down by not accompanying Ron to the procedure and not having the fluid analyzed. I had seen how relaxed he was and since we had already had the fluid analyzed, this was a welcome budgetary consideration.

After a third abdominocentesis, however, our radiologist had another concern: Ron had lost a full pound over a six-week period, even though he had a good appetite. She also noted a possible abnormality on his intestines, and suspected low-grade, small cell lymphoma.  This type of cancer is not aggressive and is typically found in  older  cats,  with  males  being  slightly  more predisposed than females. A definitive diagnosis would necessitate a biopsy, and based on its location, this would require abdominal surgery. We were back to that.

She recommended prednisolone. Our primary vet agreed. Beyond being palliative, the steroid regime would reduce inflammation and stimulate his appetite.  Within days he began to eat like teenaged boy; in two months he gained back a pound.

Step Three: Chill Out

In the midst of the initial month-long series of exams, Ron became constipated, setting up another series of alarming calls and vet visits. In addition to having been poked and prodded by strangers, he now suffered the indignity of an enema. Days passed and he was still not normal. 

We called Ron’s primary vet in a panic. Unlike the high-tech specialists at Southpaws, she is more of a country doctor with long gray hair, bright eyes, and expressive hands. She listened to us and then asked for a minute to review Ron’s reports. By now, they were numerous.

“Here’s what’s going on,” she finally said, “Ron’s whacked out. “

She was right. Although we had done a lot to socialize him Ron was from birth a feral. He never had abided vet visits—at best, he tolerates them.

“Give him a quarter teaspoon of Miralax. Get him to drink lots of fluids. Don’t bring him in. Try to establish a normal routine.”

It worked.

We were reminded that as a cat, Ron’s primary purpose is to bring us joy. He eats well, loves to play, cuddle, and even fight  with Nina. He chases laser-point flies and prism rainbows like a kitten.

When we brought Ron home from his first abdominocentesis, he just stared at me. Perhaps he was saying, I don’t know what you just did, but I feel better. Or maybe, I don’t know what you just did, but don’t ever do it again. Or maybe he was telling me, as T.S. Elliot observed,

His mind in engaged in a rapt concentration
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
his ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.
He was just being Ron.